* * *

"It happened when the doctor was on vacation," Geshe Sengey stated matter of factly. I did not answer. Dorjii glanced at me, but did not smile. "Son of a bitch," I thought, but instead I said, "Would Geshe-la wish more tea?" He squinted at me, but I could see that he was surprised by my lack of response. "No," he said, "I have had sufficient." "Well," I thought to myself, "at least the old bastard is not reading my mind. That is one advantage." The monk watched me carefully but he obviously was not satisfied with what he could read, or as the case was now, what he could not read. I neither frowned nor smiled.

* * *

The flames killed me and the blue man left.

The hands killed me and the blue man left.

The smoke killed me and the blue man left.

The interpenetration mountains killed me and Dai Goro Bogdu laughed and flew away. Afterwards I said to the monk, "It seems Geshe la, that although I've left Nyima's body and 'died', I could return to it and reclaim it! Over and over! Dai Goro Bogdu doesn't seem to know that! He thinks he can kill me!"

The monk lit an incense stick and jabbed it into a crack in his study table. "He can kill you, since you have a body," he stated in an even voice. "He is merely playing with you. When he has had enough, you will suffer!" "Don't be silly," I said. "I am safe. He needs me."

The monk sneered, being displeased with my manner. "But, my brilliant friend, he does not need Nyima's body to continue. You will lose that support. Hopefully, it will not be too painful when he removes it from you." "I will do my best," I said, "not to give him that opportunity." "It is not in your power," said the monk, "to avoid karma."

* * *

The Chinese representative in Lhasa, the Amban, mused angrily. he dictated a message to the Chinese capital. "The regent has exceeded his authority and established a new Gyalwa Rinpoche. I suggest we attempt to put forward our own candidate. it would be to our advantage to find one from outside the borders of Tibet. he should, of course, pass all the strict requirements for this exalted position." All of this I observed while coursing through the light Nd-Drwa in Lhasa. I wonder what the Amban would have thought had he known that an invisible American was eavesdropping upon him at his private quarters. Surprised, to say the least. As I was surprised to find myself understanding Chinese. The absorption was going apace. i wondered if that was true, how much time was there left for me?



* * *

I watched the window. She was speaking on the phone. aha! there was someone in the room with her. Damn! Geshe Sengey! But then he was gone. Was I mistaken? Was it only a shadow? A trick of the eye, or the truth?

* * *

Desideri believed in his God, his religion and his mission to Tibet. he did not mind hardships or difficulties. Luckily, for he found enough of these on the high Tibetan plateau. He had started studying the Tibetan language in Ladakh, north of Kulu in India, and continued to do so in Lhasa. He was much encouraged by the friendliness of the Tibetans, who were broad-minded in regard to other people's religions. There already was a mosque in Lhasa. The Jesuit found that his acquaintanceship with the princess went no further, but that he did not need any special connections to be allowed to stay in the capital and establish a residence. "Ah! they are so friendly, so receptive! Good fortune! The word of our Lord Jesus will take firm root here!" Thus he spoke to his sour faced fellow missionary. And thus he spoke, in a prayerful manner, addressing his God morning g and evening, especially in the evening, when he took these optimistic hopes into his dreams with him. Or at least, i think he dreamt such dreams, since he did mention them to his fellow Jesuit. I was amazed now to know that I understood Italian and Latin. "I'll be set," I sneered to myself, "If I ever go to mass!"



* * *

Ayesha! Ayesha! Are you dead? It's been so long! Ayesha! Are you reading my thoughts?

* * *

Better that you should read my thoughts than those other two. How much can I trust Dorjii? I shouldn't think like that. She's just a—I don't know. I know what I wish her to be. But I don't know. I've got to escape with her before the time arrives! There must be a place we can hide. I don't have to go back! Oh? Really? You really feel that way? I mean, I don't have to go back immediately. I can go later! Yeah? I can, I can, Dammit! They'll ride all this piggyback if you're not careful! It would be better for everyone if they stayed, or died, in Tibet. In this time, their time? Dammit! What can I do?

* * *

Ayesha! You're here! Good! Eleven heads? A thousand heads? What are you talking about? Oh, yes. Chen-re-zi going back and forth to Mying Di. Never mind that now. Oh, yes. Thank you. Yeah, I know it was difficult. Listen carefully, Ayesha. i want you to get rid of my body. Yeah. I said that. I mean it. I don't need it. I've got one here. Yeah. Now listen! Ayesha! Damn. Gone!

* * *

Hang on! ;Hang on! Don't let this thought escape! I must do it.

* * *

"My compassionate one," I sang, "be like Rirab; Stay still, and let the sun and moon encircle you!" "Coo!" she gasped, "Coo!"



* * *

"Be like Rirab," I whispered to Suzi, who with cupie doll-like eyes gasped under me and shuddered. "What did you say?" she asked. I caught myself, and answered, "Nothing. Nothing."

* * *

The surface of the mud was smooth. It shone in the sunshine. The metal wheel could not be seen, but it was there, nonetheless.

* * *

AUM. AH. HUM.

The pilgrim walking around the market place of the Barkhor, saying the beads on his mala, index finger and thumb, looked at the woman next to him who sang, "When cuckoo comes my love and I are joined as one, In Body, Speech and Mind."

AUM. AH. HUM. Around and Around.

* * *

It is your song. it is my song.

* * *

Dorjii and I had escaped. We went north, for she said she had relatives hear Nagchuka. Although on foot, we made progress. It was cold, but the snow remained to the west. I hoped that it would stay there. At one crest, a minor pass, I felt that the change of altitude was getting to me. I felt dizzy. Had I made a mistake? Could Nyima's body manage such a flight? Dorjii looked at me with concern. "Say a prayer!" she insisted. "So the demons here cannot poison you!" I glanced at her and nodded, inhaling and exhaling very quickly. She gathered various rocks to erect a small slender cairn, one rock upon another, almost as if she were playing with children's blocks. There were dozens of such thin stone pillars about us. I looked to the west and saw the snow and wind switching into our direction. My body responded in terror and perspiration coated my face as I tried to breathe. The approaching wind was now striking my wet skin. "Pray!" she snapped, furious at my silence. I gathered my strength and began to audibly chang "AUM MANI PADME HUM," the mantra to Chen-re-zi, the Changchub Sempa of mercy. The exertion immediately made me feel warmer. "AH! AH!" she cried, pointing downward in the direction from which we had come. "Look! Pursuit!" I stared through the gathering dust thrown up by the approaching wind. "People," I said. "But how do you know that it has anything to do with us?" "Those eight men!" she sobbed, covering her face with a sleeve, looking away from the figures far below. "I know them! They belong to Geshe Sengey! Quick! We must go!" I stumbled after her, almost unable to speak, the wind striking me in the face. "Belong? What do you mean? Who are they? I don't remember seeing them." "Pah!" she spat back in their direction, the wind carrying her spittle away at a great speed, "they had nothing to do with you! Only me!" And she sobbed again, covering her face completely. "Quickly! They do not tire!" she shouted as if to the wind, to the approaching snowflakes. "They are dead men!"

I could not believe that I had heard correctly. "Dead men?" I shouted. "Yes, yes," she cried, "you fool! Can't you understand? They are dead men who Geshe Sengey had brought to life! To do his bidding! Oh! Oh!" And then the storm struck in full fury. AUM MANI PADME HUM.

* * *

"It is nothing to be born good," eh man near the Jokhang said. "But, what an accomplishment it is to be bad and become good!" "But what has that got to do with Gyalwa Rinpoche?" I had asked. He laughed heartily, causing his long earring to sway back and forth. "That is what I am talking about!" he said. "The presence, Gyalwa Rinpoche, is the incarnation of Chen-re-zi, the Changchub Sempa of compassion. his behavior is proof of that!"

I pulled in my chin and raised both eyebrows. "But you yourself said that he drinks and is a great lover of women!" I protested. "You monks," he said, addressing Nyima's body, "sometimes miss the point! He is demonstrating that ultimately, under it all, we can remain pure, or if not that, overcome it!" "You are pure under it all?" I asked, surprised. "I cannot see it," he mused, "so I do not know. But the Presence's behavior with women holds out hope for me!"

Neither I, nor Nyima's body, could understand this. "It may be a form of esoteric practice," he whispered. "How is that?" I asked. Suddenly he shook his head and looked away. "I am sorry for sullying the ears of a monk who has renounced women," he said. "Forgive me." Then he was silent.

* * *

"But Brother Ippolito!" the older Jesuit protested. "You speak as if these Tibetans were Catholics already!" "Perhaps so," the other answered. "We do not know what their religion is truly! It may be a debased form of our own." The other crossed himself suddenly in shock. "How can you say such sacrilege?" he asked. "Do not get upset so easily, old friend," Desideri reassured him. "I am not mad! Just notice how many things they have in common. Ten rules of behavior! Not exactly law of Moses, but very similar! No lies! No killing! No sexual misconduct!"

"But they are filthy barbarians!" the other spat. Desideri put his hand gently upon the older Jesuit's shoulder. Ah, Brother," he said, "in Florence and in Rome, all our brethren are not so pristine either! It is their behavior which makes me believe that we have found a lost Christian land! They are so devout in their prayers! They constantly say their beads, their rosaries! They hold killing to be an abomination! They are truly gentle!"

The other mumbled to himself. "And," continued Desideri, "they have the trinity! A subtle manifestation of their God, surely the father! An earthly one, surely our Lord Jesus! and one unmanifested, surely the Holy Ghost!"

I watched, and smiled form the Nd-Drwa.

* * *

"The Merry One," the man laughed, "Rolling his eyes in the direction of the Potala, "spends his time many places. Wherever he may find his sweethearts. I was drinking hot chang at Khrungser Khang, myself, once. I saw him there at The House of Birth." He giggled in remembrance, as if suddenly tipsy again. "Why is it called that?" He looked at me with heavy lids, sniffing, flaring out his nostrils. "For a nomad from Amdo, you are very dumb! Be off! I have no more time for you. I must circumambulate the Jokhang now. i have made a vow to do this a thousand and eight times." I let him go on his clockwise path about the old temple.

* * *

"When the cuckoo comes," came the song, being joined by another voice singing a different song of Gyalwa Rinpoche, "Compassionate One, like the sun and moon, circle Mount Rirab."

* * *

First listen! You must listen! Not merely hearing, but listening, with your entire being. Then remember! Remember more than what you listened to, what you heard! Then meditate! No, not daydream random thoughts! Bring into existence!

* * *

The snow blotted out the hills. The road was fast being covered with a smooth layer of white, hiding its true position. In my rear-view mirror, I saw a vertical blur. It seems that, unseen, I had passed a man. I was startled to see that he was in Tibetan robes. A moment later, he was gone.

* * *

Amongst the dunes, hidden from all eyes by the tall grass, Sue and I had made love. "You were very rough today," she whispered in my ear. "Your teeth, my breasts." I frowned. What was she talking about? I had not done any such thing! I looked at her breast. Near the nipple were red marks, obviously made by teeth. But I knew I had not done it. It would become a blue crescent later. At that present time, I leaped to my feet, looking over the grass. Thus, able to see the beach, I saw a man in a strange dark robe, with a red sash, walking away. he did not disappear amongst the bathers on the crowded beach. He merely disappeared.

Sue had misunderstood my action of leaping to my feet. "I'm not complaining, Sweetheart," she purred. "Yes, I understand," I said, but explained no further. "Pull on your swimsuit. Let's go swimming!" "Yes, a nice dip would be fine now," she laughed..

* * *

"I know the land from which you come," said the monk. "Oh?" I responded without adding anything further. "Yes," he seemed to hiss, "and the time!" "Sunrise?" I asked, "Sunset?" he growled, "Don't mock me! Your magical appearance here is a fantastic gift to me! I may now have all eternity to perfect myself, without the delays of rebirths!"

"I think you are on the wrong track" I suggested. "I am no gift for you, and it would take more than an eternity for you to become perfect." "You cur! I can kill you!" he snapped. "Go ahead," I shrugged. And with that, sparks began to fall from his fingertips. he grew furious with my calmness. Even I was surprised by it. But what the hell! Life was getting boring, and if I couldn't escape, why, let him kill me. Who cares? In the intervening silence, the sparks stopped and his expression changed. He mumbled something and turned away. "I can afford to be noble," he said. "I will forgive you this time."



* * *

"I know the time from which you come," said the blue man. "I am capable of killing you, but I will forgive you this time." "Oh?" I said. "You are now playing a forgiving god?" He said nothing in response.

* * *

Ayesha! Dammit! Answer me!

Where are you?

* * *

As yet, there was not stone marker at the grave.

"This is it," said the cemetary caretaker.

"Thank you," I said half audibly, as if to someone somewhere else. he left me at the freshly turned dirt mound. The farthest trees began to vanish in the approaching mist. "This is it," I said over a half-completed gasp of air. I heard a twig snap. Looking up, I saw, ten feet away, the naked blue man. "Is this what you want?" he asked, smiling, red mouth showing.

"Damn," I thought. "He is solid enough to snap twigs now!" He spoke further. "It can be changed by a merciful god," he said. I glared at him. "That's a contradiction in terms!" His white lips smiled, his eyes squinted. "You can be whatever kind of god you wish! Just as you wish!" "I wish," I stammered, "that you would get the hell out of here! Get back to where you belong! Where you will remain, if I have anything to do with it!"

He laughed, and before he faded into the mist, the thin air, he said, "We shall see about that! And we will see how much you really have to say about it!"

* * *

"The knife! How the hell did you get a switchblade knife," I asked myself, "in Tibet?"

* * *

I thought that they had lost our trail in the snowstorm. I also had thought that Dorjii and I would lose our lives to the cold. However, we did survive, finding semi-shelter in a walled enclosure on the far side of the pass. "Travellers built this," she had said to me, "as a religious act. To save others in times like these." "Or themselves on return trips?" I added. "Perhaps," she mumbled, and remained quiet. The storm ended and the sun came out, shining brightly, beginning to melt the new snow. Suddenly I heard crunching sounds like footsteps. Dorjii peered out and gasped, "They are here! Our pursuers!" "What do you mean?" I asked, brushing past her. "They could not have survived that storm in the open!" My eyes told me that she was right. Her voice joined that knowledge. "Don't you remember? They are dead already! The storm cannot hurt them!" They were close enough for me to see their ghastly faces, cracked, with folds of peeling flesh. Damn! they are dead men!

* * *

From my position on the rooftop, I could see the constellation Orion. I apprehensively waited for a shadow to intercede between myself and those stars, those stars which seemed to less-involved now. But no shadow came. And while I watched, almost forgetting where I was, she kissed my ear. She murmured something, but I did not understand the words.

* * *

What time is it? Where is this time? How much time do I have left? Damn.

* * *

"You can become a god," he had said. "We can share the eternal universe!"

I squinted. "Why this reconciliation? You wouldn't do it with him!" "True," he nodded. "But you are different," he said. I laughed. "How would we play it? How would we divide it? Shall I be Satan? Or you?"

"I don't believe such talk is worthwhile," he said. I persisted. "Will you be the god of suffering and I the one of mercy?" He laughed. "You still don't understand godhood! It would be merely one of suffering and/or one of pain!"

"No bargain!" I snapped. "I spit upon your godhood!" He vanished immediately.

* * *

"Nyima is dead," said the monk, "as you know." Dai Goro Bogdu nodded in the darkness. "But I do not know where he is," he continued. "He is not in the Nd-Drwa." "Aroo!" said the white lips, said the red mouth. "Could he have escaped? Are my—our—plans thus foiled?" "No," smiled the monk, "I still see his golden thread, so he had not returned to his home! But it moves too much! I cannot trace him!"

The red rimmed eyes flashed. "What does this mean?" he asked. "He has taken another body, somewhere in Tibet," muttered Geshe Thubten Sengey. Dai Goro Bogdu said nothing. The man in the dark robe with the red sash continued. "I hope that he does not get fixed to it." He glanced at the silent blue man. "If he does that, and that body dies, he may break his golden thread."

"AH! Ahrrgh!" said the red mouth of the blue man. "And then my—our—plans are gone! Time gone! Eons gone! Beyond puny existence, beyond being, bone!" The monk stiffened for what troubled Dai Goro Bogdu also troubled him. But he restrained himself, sneering to himself. "He is so emotional!" he thought. "I don't believe I will allow him to share all time with me!"

* * *

The eight dead men surrounded the rock shelter. There was not way to get past them! "AH! Ahrrgh!" Dorjii screamed. "Do not let them get me again!" I quickly threw some fist-sized rocks at them. With a perfect aim, I struck a few of them directly on their faces, breaking a nose or putting out an eye. But this did nothing! They did not flinch, did not seem to feel anything. They advanced slowly upon us. "Fight! Fight!" Dorjii screamed hysterically. "They will kill you! But they will do worse to me!"

* * *

Racing down the highway, I saw a hitchhiker in the snowstorm. I did not look as I passed him. Faster and faster!

* * *

Ayesha! Listen! You've got to listen! Pay attention!

* * *

Hold on! Don't let anything slip past you. Not a split second! Not one detail. Or it will be lost! You'll never get out! And worse he, they, will!

* * *

This is a lot of trouble. Come on. What is wrong with becoming a god? A twin god? Sharing with him? Well, you could kill him afterwards.

* * *

I still did not understand how we had survived the cold night, even in the shelter. Dorjii and I had huddled together, but we, too, should have been dead at daylight. But there was not time for those thoughts, since the attack of the dead men began in earnest. Luckily, they had been dead a long time. For then, when one grabbed my throat in his boney grip, I could loosen it by twisting his arm and snapping off the offending hand! It went clattering onto the stones, only to be replaced by another. It followed the fate of the first one. I laughed at the monk's choice of shoddy materials. But not for long. Five or six of them were upon me! I know what happened next, but am not sure of the sequence of events. Dorjii screamed. i got angry, and the next thing I knew, I was throwing things at the dead men. it was not exactly "things". It was not rocks. it was balls of fire, which appeared in either hand, as if they had rolled out of the sleeves of my chuba, like hidden aces in a dishonest poker game. I did not question anything. I continued to bombard the dead men, as the flames continued to appear in my hands. Soon they were all afire. Dorjii and I escaped the shelter to see them all become consumed in the great bonfire within.

"Very dry goods!" I laughed. Dorjii looked at me with eyes wide with fear. "How did you do that?" she finally asked, as we made our way down from the pass. "I believe," I smiled, "that as he absorbs something from me, I get something in exchange. That was one of his tricks."

"How do you do it?" she asked, obviously hoping that I would teach her. But I could not. "I don't know," I said, a bit wistfully, I must admit. "I really don't believe that I can do it. It is something beyond me, or automatic, like breathing."

"Please," she said, in genuine fear, not understanding anything which i had said. "Don't breathe on me!" I tried to reassure her. "Do not worry, Dorjii! It must be because of this that we did not freeze last night." She nodded, a bit confused. "Yes," she said, "embracing you was warmer than I had expected. But the side away from you!" she exclaimed. "Aroo! That side was cold!"

* * *

The distant hills seemed to be gathering snow clouds. Soon, the line of the highway vanished under the onslaught of giant flakes falling in a great hurry from the sky to the ground. Soon, it was all the windshield wipers could do to keep the flakes form accumulating and obscuring my vision.



* * *

Desideri learned much about Tibetan culture. He went out of his way to do so, since he wished to discover similarities between his religion and theirs. He heard many of the stories of the so-called saints of the Tibetans, Milarepa, for instance. This poet-saint was given credit for many miracles. Desideri spoke about this frequently. "It is the work of the devil! Not of God." The Tibetans did not see it his way and insisted upon how precious he was to them. "Milarepa says we should look beyond miracles," they said. This only confused Desideri all the more. "Evil!" he snorted. "Work of the devil to fool these sweet people!' However, no matter how he disliked what he heard, he had to respect the intensity of the faith of the Tibetans. He would chastise himself frequently over this. "Ah! If I could only love and serve my master, Jesus, the true teacher, as well as these people love and serve a deceiver with this false religion!"

Dai Goro Bogdu observed this and smiled, saying, "ERIN-NOON-SHIM-TAL!"

* * *

"Dorjii, you say there is a cave ahead?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "We should stay there to rest before we go on." If she had not been with me, I would never have found the cave. "Ah, here it is!" she exclaimed, and even as she did so, I could not see it, so well was it hidden. I thought that this was to our advantage. "It will be difficult for anyone to find us here," I laughed. "It is to be hoped," she said with little expression. inside, she led me in the darkness carefully until suddenly we were in a large chamber flooded with light from natural cracks in the high ceiling. "We need no lamps," she pointed out, and so it was obvious to me. What else was clear was that others had used this place over a long period of time. One large and rocky wall was filled with an awesome carving. it followed the bulges and indentations of the cave. The figure must have taken a long time to carve, considering its details and decorations. I stared at the great figure, bulging stomach, skull decorated crown, two arms brandishing weapons. he was of monstrous expression, fangs protruding, dripping with painted blood. Dorjii nodded towards it. "The great blue one!" she said. I nodded in return. There he was, red rimmed eyes, white lips pulled back to reveal his bloody mouth.